Toxic Indulgence

Seriously confused by what i just found out!!!!

  “All those fairytales are full of shit, One more fuckin love song ill be sick, Now I’m at a pay phone……”

its amazing how someone can have such and effect on you it seems to last so long, even after you have put them behind you. I seem to find myself in this situation at the current time and it confuses me as to why. I put up with so much shit, all the hurt, the ignoring, the lying, everything that you put me through and yet i can sit here and say that there are times when i miss what we had because for all of the bad that was present there was also so much good. As the famous singer Adele said “Never mind i’ll find someone like you…” to be honest i never want to find anyone like you again. I never want to feel the hurt that you put me through, I will admit that i also did things to you that i wish i had never done but understand that i have never hated someone so much in my life. People say hate is a strong word but believe me there has never been a better time to use it and if i had other horrible words to use then i would use them as well but i believe that this is the best one at present. I don’t care about you anymore, there is no longer that voice in my head that tells me to talk to you, i made the effort all the time with you and you made it clear that there was no point in me trying to make things better with us, so i guess the truth is that ex’s can never be friends. I wish i had known the kind of person you were before i got to know your true colours. I have to say that yes i might sound like a hypocrite for writing this considering at the start i contradict what i am saying now but i guess that is just how my mind goes sometimes. I have never been more happy to get rid of someone like I’m doing to you. So have fun you fucking asshole, go and ruin the new girls life and make her believe that you are a good person when really you are the most pathetic and hopeless person i know. kind regards. p.s. Don’t talk to me about all of your girlfriend problems next time.

Any one want to do my uni work for me?? Any one at all……??

The situation that i am in at the moment really sucks. I have been going over and over it in my head but i can’t seem to come to a conclusion. There is so much that is holding me back from being able to accept what has happened and what to do about it.  I never thought in a million years that i would feel the feelings that i am now. I have never hated someone so much in my life but at the same time i can’t seem to bring myself to stop loving them because they are so important to me. What does that say about my character? What does that say about my heart? I sound so cheesy at this moment but at least i am being honest.  I tried to run away from everything that was going on but it turns out that only makes things harder to face and it makes me seem so weak to the people around me. I wish that none of this ever happened in the first place. Sometimes i have these dreams where everything is the way that is should be and it all seems so perfect, but i guess in the end nothing is ever perfect for long. Something always goes wrong. It seems to me that just when i think that i have everything under control something pops up.  To make matters worse i feel as though there really isn’t anyone who understands what it is i am going through and it would help if there was someone out there that did. It would just make me feel better knowing that someone has felt what i am feeling now and are able to tell me that it gets better instead of me sitting here and thinking that everything is going to get worse.  I just want someone to understand……

Now i know that i said i would go on Tumblr everyday but something amazing has happened to me since………turns out this girl has met the most wonderful boy in the whole world and i have not been able to stop smiling since!!!!! I could have not asked for someone better to come into my life!!!! 

Smitten. :3